The Search for Understanding
I needed to understand this work from the inside.
I could have stayed at home and read the books. I could have studied the neuroscience, completed the training and learned the language of altered states without ever having to surrender control myself.
However I did not believe that was enough.
If I was going to ask another person to trust me while entering an unfamiliar and potentially vulnerable state, I needed more than intellectual knowledge. I needed to understand what it feels like to let go, to become uncertain, to encounter parts of yourself that do not usually have a voice, and to depend on the steadiness of the person sitting beside you.
So, where it was legal, safe and appropriately supervised, I travelled internationally to work with practitioners whose experience and integrity I respected. I entered those spaces not as a therapist, but as a participant. I learned what helped me feel safe, what made trust possible and how quickly that trust could be lost. I also learned the difference between someone who simply observes an experience and someone who knows how to remain present within it.
Those experiences did not give me all the answers. They gave me humility. They showed me that intensity is not the same as healing, and that altered states do not create change by themselves. What matters is how the experience is held, understood and integrated afterwards.
They also reinforced something I now believe very strongly: academic knowledge and clinical training matter enormously, but in this field they are not the whole of the preparation.
You can’t guide someone through a territory you’ve never entered.
That’s why I went.